I realized that sometimes, poetry only works in certain surroundings.

Example: Listen to “the end” by the Beatles (from Abbey Road, which btw ironically also has an amazing beginning).

At the end of the end (really? really?) there is a beauuutiful passage and the lyrics are “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make”. Profound? Not really. Profane? Maybe.

The lyrics of John Mayer to this topic are “I believe that my live’s gonna see the love I give returned to me.” which is infinitely more beautiful. However, put into context (aka the magic of the beatlesque music), the Beatles have the upper hand. This passage with its transposition lets me melt in my seat.

It shows that music, like film, is usually a composition of several things working together to synergistically create something more beautiful than its parts.

Just a very short blog. I often wondered how people could write so many stories about their lives. What happened to them. What they talked about…

I realized that it all depends on how closely you listen to the world around you. There are stories everywhere. Everywhere.

Merry Christmas.

We look for harmony in our lives.We look for harmony in the chaos of our lives. But how do we do it? How can we harmonize with life.

By looking for patterns. For lines. For opposites and contrasts. For similes. For edges.

For souldmates. For hugs. For interests. For ways of life. For dignity.

For money. Careers. Satisfaction. Gratification.

For happiness.

We want harmony in our lives, because we think that happiness lies at the bottom of the well of harmony. I have found harmony in strange places between the traffic of a gigantic city.


But also in places you would expect. Like churches.


We all look for harmony and we tend to forget that harmony, if used unwisely, is the gateway to boredom. Uneventfulness.

Harmony can be the greatest feeling on this earth. To be in harmony with the world is something most people don’t get to experience in their lifetime.

Harmony can also be a problem. If it’s flat. Harmony has to be exciting. Spontaneous. Full of life. Full of changes. Then it’s something worth striving for.

Best example, of course, Bach.

If you imagine the world as a being with concious thought. What would it expect? It would expect nature to run its course. Sun, moon, tides, seasons. Everything would be expected to go as planned. But what would the world expect of us? In a hypothetical scenario – what would an outsider, not knowing anything about the human species, about us, each and everyone of us. What would it expect?

It would look at our outsides and would have no idea of the trains of thought inside of us. It would expect us to be born, grow, grow old, die. It would expect us to defend ourselves from danger. Run from fire. From cliffs. Hide from predators. Protect our young ones. Behave as an animal is supposed to. Where would be the point that we astonish our earth? When would we do something unexpected? Because this is exactly the point where we begin to be something different than an animal. Something more.

Scientists say that we are an animal species. And they are right. Religious leaders say we are more than just the animal which happens to develop a brain efficient enough to put us on top of the food chain. And they are right. Now how can we try to combine these 2 views? And this is where the earth-scenario comes in quite handy, because usually we try to imagine what an alien might think when observing us from outer space. But if we do that, we conjure up the image of something that is similar to us – observing something similar. Something it can understand. Something it can predict. This is the wrong way. We have to conjure up the image of something as different from us as we are from a single cell organism.

Now where is this borderline dividing us from the animal kingdom? Where is the unexpected? And the only thing I’m coming up with is art in all its forms. Songs. Paintings. Sculptures… these things are unexpected. Who would have thought that this being of water and carbon would group up and start harmonizing with each other to match the natural and predifined physical properties of sound. Or take flowers, grind them up, prepare a paste and put it in small shapes onto cotton, before repeating this with different flowers.

And now comes the kicker. This up to know is pretty basic. Just some hypothetical reasoning. But now you can let your thoughts run freely when thinking about the possibility (and there are examples) of primates who paint (that’s right, I used “who”). 


I don’t know why I keep meandering through the web, looking for a place to stay. I just haven’t found a place to call home. I’m like Goldilocks – I need something that’s just right. I’m like Cristina – I just know what I don’t want. I’m like many people and yet I’m like noone else.

Will this be the place where my thoughts will end up? We will see…

Fairy world

Ugh. I’m sitting in my lab office waiting to go to the xmas party. I am so freaking tired and don’t think for a second that this will be a 2-3h deal… nope. I will probably come home around 1-2am. If I’m lucky.

Don’t get me wrong. I like my collegues, I have nothing against a nice Italian (dinner). Ouch – that pun hurt.
But to work for like 11h and then go to an official party for 6h? That’s a bit much for me.
The point of xmas parties is also a bit lost on me as I don’t drink alcohol, I am opinionated, and I have taste in music. Different taste – maybe. Taste nonetheless. And if I am really lucky, there will be a club attendance in my very near future.
On a much brighter note: I have 10 days off work from tomorrow on, so I can get into the xmas spirit. Xmas songs, comfy afternoons in my room with movies and tea and cookies and books and my computer and…. my family.
It’s my grandma’s 90th birthday next week, so that will be interesting.
Anyway… there is so much work that I could just keep on working, but what’s the point of that? I have other goals for the next week. None of which include working if I can help it.
In other news, I decided to put another video gadget on my blog with my secondary channel. On this channel, I mainly just put on photo booth and start singing. I call these sessions “spontaneous creative outbursts” and I have fun with them 🙂
It is a bit insulting that my secondary channel still gets subscribers and subscribers whereas my primary stays in its comfort zone of 32. Meh. Doesn’t matter really. Bye now and wish me luck.

This morning I went to fill my car up with gas. I stood there, the sun was rising, it was freezing, and I took this picture of the sunrise beyond the hills.

I sometimes wish I could just pack my stuff in my car and drive away. Leave everything behind. Just drive wherever I want to. Work in some stores or farms for a while. Drive on. Never stop. Never look behind.
Our lives get filled up with so much baggage. So much stuff over the time. We have bills to pay. People to care for. We have social networks to attend to. We have jobs to do…
It gets hard to remember sometimes why we do it. Why do we do the things we do. What is it for? What’s life all about?
I try to tell myself that I would find out, if I just drove away and kept driving and never stopped till I have seen everything. Till I have found everything I was looking for.
I sometimes get the feeling of living in a cage. Of rules. Appointments. Classes. Things. People. And then I just want to break through the walls and go for it. But I never do…
I fill up my car with gas, get in, drive to work, and stay. And stay.
Emily Dickinson’s last words:
I must go in, the fog is rising.

Ok… so I tried to record my talent entry for YouTube’s symphony orchestra today. And I tried for over an hour to record my 5 minutes, but no such luck. I messed up. Everytime.

Sometimes I would press a key, but the sound would be a bit too soft. Or I played a wrong note. Or held one note a bit too long. Or too short. Sometimes I varied the tempo too much. Or I was too fast altogether…
Normally, I don’t mind a bit of imperfection. It was (when my piano playing was concerned) always good enough. Never perfect, but good enough. I never practiced enough to play without flaws. Looking back, if I had done that I would probably be a conductor now and not a scientist, but life leads us different ways than what we might expect at one point or another…
I ended up deleting all the footage and might try again tomorrow… I swore to myself. This time. This time! THIS TIME!!! I will only submit my video, if I’m 100% content with it. Not one mistake. Not one tempo wrong or volume or accent or legato. Not one. Or I will not submit.
I might end up not submitting anything, but you have to start someplace to set some boundaries, right? They wouldn’t take me anyway, if my performance is flawed, so I would submit for naught if it’s not 100%. I don’t even think I have a chance even if I’m at my 100%. There are some amazing piano players on YT. But we will see 🙂

How the seasons can change the countryside. These 2 pictures were taken about 3 months apart at the same spot. Each is beautiful in it’s own way, although they are totally different.
Fascinating. And relieving. There is something calming in the changing of the seasons. It gives live a rhythm. A purpose. 
You always know that when summer is passed, autumn starts. Then winter. Then spring again. Nothing can change that. 
No wars can prevent the snow from falling and covering up the bodies and destroyed buildings. No sadness can keep the trees from budding in spring. 
No passed love, settled into something different and deeper, can keep the summer from heating up the lands. Drying up the grass…
Seasons change the world. 
So do people. 
Seasons change. 
Do people?

Why do I always post at 11pm? Oh yeah. Right. Because I’m terribly tired, but just don’t want to go to bed.

Today I thought about a problem with 2 parts: My love life.
Part I: I am romantic at heart. I believe that I will find someone. You will ask what’s the problem with that? The problem is that I got kind of picky… I just don’t want to settle on someone who is allright instead of someone who makes me weak in the knees. And no, I did not mean it like that.
Part II: I am a misanthrope. I don’t like clubs, I rarely enjoy pubs, I try to avoid aggregations of human beings. The problem here is that I don’t really meet a lot of new people AND the problem is that a guy who could be right for me also doesn’t like to go out where many people are.
You might say: Well if you find a guy in the middle of nowhere and he is just right, then you can rightly assume that it’s fate. Great. Just rub it in won’t you?
Now we come to the third part of the problem (I know I said there are 2, but the 3rd is kind of a result of the other 2). It has worked before. And that’s the main catch. How can I rationally tell my brain and my character traits to change when it has worked before?
Of course, the chance of that happening again are very slim, but I’d rather make great new friends and talk to people and be happy doing that than being with someone just to be with someone. That wouldn’t be fair to him and it would kill me. Let’s face it, that’s the main reason. I’m selfish that way.

The way this was.